i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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