So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period