She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole