I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..