my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.