yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i think my cat just said my name.