wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.