I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
