Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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