I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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