I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
