I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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