Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
