smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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