i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
