Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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