Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
