i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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