I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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