Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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