its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
