He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
