I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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