My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
