we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
