So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
