I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
