How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
