Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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