I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
