yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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