i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
