yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
