Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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