I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
