Jerry, you need to find god
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
