I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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