I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
