Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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