was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
