Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
