I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watching her eat just hurts me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
