I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
