addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
