You really coming over, don't trick.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
