u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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