the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
