I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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