is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
