K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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