you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
