oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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