im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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