How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had sex on a roof
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
