Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
