is your mom at the bar?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
