I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
