so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
