Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
