Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
