you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
