So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
