I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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