Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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