I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
