do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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