Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
