Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
