A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize