she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
