Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
