im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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