If that was your dad, he is hot
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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