I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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