Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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