so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
