All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
