I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
