to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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