does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
