Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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