i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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