we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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