I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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