He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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