I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
