I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
