i would punch a child for taco bell
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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