they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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