We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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