ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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