I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
