Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
