Nicole vs. Life
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's like iHOP with fire
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dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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