textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
