Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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