dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
