apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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