nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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