I want to have your abortion
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize