Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
